Domestic Bliss
by Alex Damien
Summary: The Dissidia cast fall into the real world and end up having to go to school. I don't think there's much more I can say here. Mostly yaoi, but with a bit of TerraxCloud in it. Crack, lots of it.
1. Chapter 1

**Domestic Bliss**

By: Alex Damien

A/N: This was initially a little try at doing the (overdone) "Dissidia cast at school in the real world" story, but I quickly gave up on it after this chapter and forgot about it. But then stupidaquarius and liu-barrowin started making jokes about how much of a faggot Firion was, and I remembered that I had this small school story and I could throw in gay!firion. So, here it is. Not my fault, it's all stupidaquarius and liu-barrowin's fault. BLAME THEM, NOT ME! IN FACT, FEEL FREE TO BLAME THEM FOR EVERYTHING, THE ECONOMY, POLITICS, THE WEATHER.

Here, if you want to see the crazy comic that spawned the revival of this story you can find it here: "http : //stupid-aquarius . deviantart . com /art/ quot-firion-is-the-biggest-homo-quot- 148999492"

"Apparently the energy discharge was so great, the roads between worlds were shaken. Instead of the crystals having brought us back to the battlefield, we were taken to one of the remaining worlds" said Warrior of Light while the other Cosmos warriors listened, huddled among the trees. Around them, the sounds of daily life in the park went on undisturbed.

"So, is Cosmos alright then?" asked Terra, kneeling on the ground between the Onion Knight and Zidane.

"Hardly. Her corporeal form has been destroyed, so she has no way of contacting us in a way that we would understand."

"Then how did you find out what happened when we all faded?" asked Cloud, who kept nudging Squall for more space. Any more to the left and he would fall off the circle of bushes where they all hid.

"Cosmos and I share a certain...'basic nature'. We are both in a way made of light. Different kinds of light, but still alike enough that, through the crystals we can communicate in a very basic way. But even doing that is too much for Cosmos in her current state. We should just wait and not bother her until there is a little more stability to the roads between worlds, then we will be able to go back into the battlefield. Cosmos' power is slowly rebuilding itself, and it will continue to do so as long as we keep the crystals safe."

"So, what do we do now?" asked Luneth.

"Keep the crystals safe."

"I meant, apart from that. We're not going to stay here to keep the crystals safe for as long as it takes to go back to the war world, are we?"

A kid ran laughing too close to where they hid, and they all kept quiet until the park sounds were distant again.

"I'm hungry" said Bartz, and Zidane nodded to show he was hungry too. Now that they had fallen out of survival mode, tiredness, hunger and cold started to get to them. Squall had already given Terra his jacket, but the day got colder fast, and none of them had enjoyed a meal in a long time.

"Well, from what we've observed of this world," continued the Warrior "it looks like the ones who can blend better and attract less attention are Cloud and Squall. So, you two must go and secure us proper clothing. We don't want to repeat that scene with the police."

"And the crazy guy with the...what was it called Cloud?" asked Bartz

"Gun."

"The crazy guy with the gun, yeah. I mean, just because we're armed doesn't mean we're dangerous."

"He was both."

Warrior cleared his throat to get everyone's attention again.

"Indeed. Now, once we can all properly blend with the locals it will be easier and faster to get supplies and a place to rest."

They all agreed and pooled their gil in two bags.

"Also, bring snacks." said Zidane. "Or we're going to have to eat your jacket Squall."

"Don't." warned Squall, and with a nod to Warrior, he and Cloud left the group's hiding place.

"They can't eat your jacket, we don't have to run." said Cloud, trying to get Squall to slow down his pace, he was tired enough of dashing everywhere.

"No, but there are thousands of other things they can do to it. Most of which I don't even want to imagine."

Cloud sighed. It was going to be a long day.

#

Squall came out of the shop empty handed.

"Where's the food? They'll eat US if we don't get it fast" said Cloud, who had waited outside. The habit of looking out for any attackers at all times hadn't left either of them.

"They don't take gil."

"What?"

"They asked me for something called 'yen'"

"What's a yen?"

"No idea, some kind of currency, how should I know? I didn't even know this world existed yesterday!" Leon's tone escalated, and Cloud noticed the way some people stared at them.

"Fine, fine, keep your tone down. We don't want any attention. We just have to change the money, and-"

"Not likely. We don't know what a yen is, and they don't know what gil is."

"Great, so we're done for?"

"No. Let's go get Zidane."

"What? Stealing? Mr. Sparkles will not be amused if we all end up in jail for pick pocketing."

"Do you have any better ideas? Because I don't, and I'm tired, hungry and really not in the mood for more delays."

Cloud crossed his arms and tried not to think of how tired he was too.

"Well, Sparkles won't go along with stealing money. If we go back he'll probably say we should sleep on the street and work for food."

"He will. But Zidane's the best at this, either of us will be caught if we try to steal anything."

They started walking towards the park, slowly, while trying to think of something.

"Maybe we could sell some of our stuff. If there's something we have a lot of, it's jewelry" said Cloud.

"Yeah, tell Cecil to sell off those beads in his hair; he'll go Dark Knight on you."

"Weapon's have to be worth something."

"And how do we explain where they came from?"

"Damn it, there's got to be something we can do."

On a nearby alley a woman screamed, and they sprinted towards the sound. They found a gang of six men surrounding two girls in school uniforms.

"Leave them alone!" shouted Cloud, distracting the attackers enough for the girls to run away.

"Look what you did kids, you ruined our fun." said the one who looked like the boss, and was more than a head taller than Squall.

"Maybe if you bathed you wouldn't have to force girls to hang out with you" said Cloud. Squall elbowed him on the side.

"Look at that, they have gold chains and rings"

Cloud smirked.

"They probably carry a lot of money too. And they don't look like they'll go running to the police"

Another of the punks cracked his knuckles "Need money to buy more hairspray kids?"

"Well, yes. Yes, we kind of do." Said Squall smirking, and Cloud elbowed him. Another one of the punks took out a heavy chain while the others approached the duo.

"The girly boys think they can steal from the Eagle Skulls?"

Squall sighed. "We're not the girly ones, they would have already beaten you up."

"And badly. But we're the nice ones" said Cloud "so we'll give you the chance to not get hurt. Give us all your money and jewelry now and we'll let you go."

The whole gang bursted out laughing.

"Boys, you really are stupid." said the leader. "Guys, let's teach these brats to respect their elders"

Squall cracked his knuckles.

"Let's get this over with."

#

"Well, that was easy." Said Cloud. Next to him, Squall counted how much they had left after buying clothes for everyone with the money they had from selling off the tugs' stuff.

"We've been battling the hordes of the god of Chaos, it was as easy as stealing from a kid. And felt kind of like that."

"I know. Especially when the fat one started crying. That was kind of pathetic too" his stomach growled. "But it was worth it. Can we go now? We've got everything in the list."

"No, we still haven't bought anything for Terra."

"For Terra? Like, clothes?" Cloud felt his face heating.

"She's not going to go around on a red dress and thighs, is she?"

"Uhuh"

"And it's very cold in this world, she needs a jacket too, not just a simple cape."

"Uhuh."

"Stop drooling Cloud."

"I was thinking! And I never drool."

"Just when you sleep and mumble her name."

"Why you-"

Squall stopped in front of a shop.

"Here, go in there, buy something nice for her and try to not waste too much time fantasizing. We're already very late."

"Why me?"

"Because you've got experience with women's underwear."

Cloud's jaw dropped.

"I hate you so much."


	2. Chapter 2

Domestic Bliss Ch. 2

By Alex Damien

A/N: The Cloud of Darkness is presented here as an 'it' instead of a 'she' for certain reasons (of lulz) I apologize beforehand for any confusion this may cause

Cloud and Squall arrived back with the others way past dark.

"We're ba-" started Squall, but Luneth, Zidane and Bartz tackled him down and took the bags from him. Cloud just left the bags on the ground and stepped discreetly to the side.

"Where's the food? It's all shirts and pants and women's underwear," said Bartz, leaving the bags with clothes away.

"You weren't supposed to get her any underwear," said Squall from the ground.

"Look, I don't say anything about your harem"

Cecil approached followed by Firion.

"Cloud, that's not right!" said the Paladin, while Firion helped Squall up. "Three people don't make a harem. They make a threesome."

Squall glared as hard as he could, but that didn't stop the others from laughing at him.

"Enough jokes," said the Warrior of Light, and they all turned to him. "We have more important matters to solve."

Cloud and Squall noticed the others had turned oddly silent, and Cloud looked to Terra in hopes to see some answers. She looked down, and Cloud realized there was something odd in her. She looked subtly different, but he couldn't quite put a finger on what was the problem. He looked back to the Warrior of Light, and noticed that his helmet slipped down over his forehead.

"We're getting younger," said their leader.

- - -

After eating a dinner composed of food no one could really identify (except for the rice, it all seemed to contain rice for some reason), the warriors spent the night huddled together in their hiding place; too tired to actually care to search for a better place to spend the night.

By dawn, it seemed like they'd all lost quite a few years. Cloud and Squall and the youngest members had gone back merely a couple years, but the older warriors had to change into the new clothes right away, since their armors had become too big and heavy for them.

And of course, they ran into The Issue.

"It's too big for you now anyway, Light," said Cecil. The Warrior of Light hmp-ed, and his horned helmet slipped forward over his forehead again. "And it would attract too much attention."

"Then why does Frioniel gets to keep his headscarf? It attracts attention too."

"Well, it doesn't look so bad in black," said Terra. Firion just kept sulking near a tree. The others had cut some of Cloud's half skirt to make a less eye catching headscarf, but told him in no uncertain terms to stop putting shining stones on it and lay off the hair glitter.

"You keep your headband too. I can't see why my helmet can't be considered an accessory," said Light , glaring at Cecil's purple headband.

"It's not the same thing! Look, we're all making sacrifices here," said Cecil, his patience running short after having to give up his lipstick, which made him look sickly pale.

"But…It's my helmet…"

For a moment it seemed to Cecil like the warrior hadn't turned seventeen, but twelve.

The first thing Jecht did was find a bar.

Or, not really. Fir he was stopped by the police for going around half naked, then he beated the cops and rummaged through their pockets _and then_ he found a bar.

In his defense, he would say that he did try to stick around the others and listen to Golbez explain what the hell had happened. But the guy spoke so slow, and using words so long and complicated, he quickly gave up and went looking for a way to get drunk.

"Uhm, sir?" started the bartender.

"Give me a beer," said Jecth, sitting down at the bar.

"Uh, sir, you don't have a shirt."

"Really? Hadn't noticed that. Now give me the beer."

The bartender looked at Jecht, who stood more than a head taller than him and made of pure muscle.

He put a couple bottles in front of the man and hoped he wasn't a mean drunk.

"Great plan, you idiot," said Ultimecia, glaring at Emperor Palamecia. "Clearly nothing would have been affected by Cosmos' death."

"Silence witch!"

"Oh, no, you won't silence me this time. I only followed you because our goals were the same. But now that your plan has _broken the universe_ and dispersed all of us to hell knows where, I have no more use for you."

The Cloud of Darkness sat between the two bickering sorcerers and forced it's face to remain neutral despite the sheer boredom it felt.

It had only tagged along them for the chance to return to the void and now they were all lost in some world with too little chaos for it's liking. The Cloud of Darkness didn't care for a broken universe, it wanted the end of the universe; and their current situation felt like having tasted the sweet nothingness and then being shoved _pure piercing light_ down your throat

"Well then, if you are so weak as to despair at the first obstacle you are free to leave on your own. We have no need for you either," said the Emperor. Ultimecia looked at the Cloud of Darkness.

"So you are staying with him?"

"I just want to-" started the Cloud.

"Return to the Void, yes, but who are you going to follow?" pressed Ultimecia, leaning towards the Cloud, who in turn leaned backwards. It looked from the witch, to the emperor and back to the witch. Couldn't they see it could hardly care any less for who brough it to it's beloved void?

"Well, I…"

"We are so close to victory, you shouldn't listen to that foolish witch. She will only postpone your return to the void," said the emperor.

"Don't listen to him! All that comes from his mouth are lies. He will only use you but never give you the end you seek!"

"Nonsense. See how she abandons everything whenever there's a problem!"

"I am not abandoning anything. I am merely being realistic and refusing to pander to your sense of entitlement. I am sick of you ordering us as if we were idiots."

"I have brought you all to an inch away from victory-"

"You don't even know how to get out of this stupid world!"

"That is barely an obstacle, but you refuse to give me time to figure it out. And for all _your_ power, you don't know how to get out of here either!"

The Cloud of Darkness looked to the exit of the alley, pondering the possibility of escape before either of the sorcerers could catch it.

"Besides, I think us women should stay together," said Ultimecioa, and the Cloud of Darkness noticed it had missed a few key parts of the argument.

"Uhm, yes, you are right, but-"

"Then that settles it," she grabbed at the Cloud's arm, then turned to the Emperor. "Have fun by your own, _your majesty_," she said, and teleported both of them away from the man; all before the Cloud of Darkness could tell her that although it was a good idea for women to stick together, the Cloud was most definitely _not_ a woman.


End file.
